I was always conscious. It felt like it just all happened so quickly. And I only remember, from when I was laying there, very specific flashes of things. They put me in the ambulance. They took Halyna away in the helicopter.
Do you know if she was still alive at that point?
Halyna is other people’s family. She was my friend, but she’s got a husband and son, and a mom and dad and sister. Those are things that are more their business to speak about.
Do you remember what Alec was doing after it happened?
I couldn’t tell you what anyone in there was doing, unless they had hands on me.
When did you find out that this had been fatal for Halyna?
I found out when I was in the hospital. I was in the ER still. It was much later. It was a very devastating moment, to say the least.
How did you find out?
I think I’ll keep that for me. But I did find out, and it was crushing in a way that is difficult to put into words. There was an emptiness and just an absolute devastation.
The Aftermath
I imagine you were grateful to be alive, but—
Not really.
No?
No, I wasn’t. I remember specifically going to sleep that night and hoping I didn’t wake up the next morning. I hoped I would just bleed out overnight because I didn’t want to be around anymore. It was a very difficult moment. I remember just thinking, Maybe I’ll just sort of bleed to death—that would suit me just fine.
How did you feel the next morning when you did wake up?
I had hoped it was a bad dream. It was just the beginning of the aftermath, and the beginning of a lot of grief for everybody. I was trying to pick up the pieces, such as they can be picked up. There was still so much disbelief.
Was your family in New Mexico with you before all this?
No, this was during school, so my kids were at home back in California, and my wife flew out, obviously, when it happened. I’m also extraordinarily grateful they weren’t there when it happened. My kids were much younger then, obviously. My oldest is almost 16 now, but he was 13 at the time; my little one was eight at the time. I don’t know that they ever got the full picture of everything that happened until much, much later.
They knew that Dad got hurt at work and they knew that his really good friend died. My older one was a little more stoic about things, and my younger one, I think, was always very confused by it and sort of afraid of what happened. An unfortunate by-product of that is he worries about me a lot still. I hate that. I mean, do you want your kid worrying about you all the time?
Did you also speak with Halyna’s husband?
Matt Hutchins…I’m hesitant about speaking for the people who got hurt by this, but I’m going to tell you this about Matt Hutchins: Matt came out there as quickly as he could get out there, and he brought his son. He came there to take care of people. The man just lost his wife. If I lost my wife, I would be a quivering mass of Jell-O, and I would be lashing out in every direction I could. I wouldn’t be in my right mind. Matt came out there, and the job that he put on himself was to make sure people were okay. I’ve never seen anything like it.